My sister had taught me to look at the world that way, as a place that glitters, as a place where the calls of the crickets and the crows and the wind are everyday occurrences that also happen to be magic.
Well yea, when was the last time i heard the crickets chirping? When was the last time i watched the sunset?... Cant really remember, somewhere in the middle of this crazy life i'm getting by, i lost myself in the sea of tangled relationships and responsibilities. I forgot that I am living, not borrowing somebody's life, yet everything is happening as if this was not my life, nothing is quite like what I expected, what I want it to be.
You've changed me. I used to adore happiness over littlist things, used to explore beauty of simplicity around me, used to embrace myself the way i am without worrying about others. Now all i can see is materialism, all i hear from you is about my mindset and attitude's problems, convinced myself i'm never good enough to be loved by you fully. Now that's enough, it's ur business to go find Miss. Perfect for yourself.
We are living in two different worlds, never before did i see it so clearly like i am right now. Even our backgrounds are so much different, the cultures, the mindsets, they are just impossible to compromise. We simply cannot communicate rightly. I'm sick of being underrated, being asked to decide, and revolving around you with your selfish life as if i dont have a life to live on my own!!!!
I found myself more than often walking aimlessly on the street, inside the malls. What am I looking for? I have no clue. Sometimes, i look back on those photos and diaries that i've kept since high school and feel jealous with thoughts from an aspiring, full of dreams and determination girl- someone I used to be, not too long ago. And I turn to see the NOW me in the mirror, it's empty, blank and soulless....
When you kiss me now and then, it feels funny, it's tasteless and emotionless. I cant explain. I used to have this kind of electric shock when someone I love hold me, touch me or hang out with me. The kind of affection and longing, not with you anymore, like a dying flame...
I need to get out of this situation. For long, i've been depending on something too intangible, been lingering on something so vague, been left behind so far that i can no longer see the track i am supposed to go. I gotta open my eyes wide and see things with a different insight. I'm tired of waiting for hopeless messages, fighting over meaningless things, listening to uncertain answers and wandering in circles for a thing so-called Love.
I just realized, the chemistry is gone, sorry honey, it's time to say Goodbye...
If only you'd hear what i'm saying...
