So today is Sun, this Sunday marked 1 week and 2 days I've been a temporary employee of Carousel. So many things happened here and there, tons of tricks and advice to memorize ( have I ever told u I hate memorizing things?) But the worst part is my physical condition has been tremendously affected. Start from the bottom up, my feet are almost paralyzed every night after work. I gotta put them in hot water, massage and hang them up lyk nearly half an hour just to reduce the pain they're giving me. My shoulders and arms are all weary that i felt hardly want to wash my clothes despite they have piled up like a tower of dirty smelly clothing mountain. My right wrist still hasn't fully recovered for 3 days (c'mon 3 days without rest, what kind of holy water that can help cure it?!).
Yesterday was one of greatest moment of my life that I actually bent the rules for a revolution of human rights and needs. i didnt care about the scenario for even one minute, all i wanted to do was spending a whole day for myself, pampering, recharging. All of the sudden, I didnt wanna work anymore, I'm tired of carrying all the heavy plates and stuffs, pretending to be energetic at all times no matter how drowsy I was, keeping a tattoo smile with everyone even they treated me lyk sh*t.I hate the way people look at me and tell me what to do as if I was a moron and disabled. I hate how incompetent I an to compare with other trainee, including David, imagine he coped up with the workplace so fast and I was like a black swan in the pond. I'm careless, immature, misbehaving and not punctual almost every morning shift. I'm sick of the tight schedule that drives my life crazy. Last night, I slept at 12.30 sth and woke up 3 times every 2 hours. Not only did my room mates found annoying but I myself also hated what's going on with my normal lifestyle. I planned to work out every 2 days and now I cant do it anymore. I gotta give up my dear French class becoz of this lunatic unfixed schedule every week. Yeah, all the complaints that came out of my head, but luckily haven't come out of my mouth, I put them here, coz I cant take them anymore. OVERWHELMED!!!!!
It's not I haven't tried to improve. It's not the work too overload. It's just we both dont cross at the same junction. Hopelessly disappointed~~~
The mere happiness at work are tips here and there. A few kind and nice people around me support me now and then, whenever I'm down, hang out with me off work, bring me laugh and joy, thank all you guys. But I feel so invisible, I'm not myself anymore if I continue this job. I'm lost in the middle of an intangible cold kitchen, where people are like machines, wearing uniform, emotionless faces keep walking and working, no empathy, no passion, not a thing. I'm not use to regulations and all these strict standard, I'm not use to adapt myself under camp boot like hardship. I'm sorry about that, but the more I do, the more I wanna quit. However, I jus cant easily follow my heart as if I was the only person on earth. Responsibility, dignity, expectation, and my own pride dont let me do that silly childish thing. So I guess all I can do is lessen the trouble I would continue posing to my colleagues. I'd better pick up some useful tips to make my life less miserable, so that people can trust me and respect who I am. Thus I might find what they call passion and fun at work, as our Employee value proposition, or core value, indicates. And hopefully, would be able to be recognized for my effort and celebrate it together with the ones who appreciate my contribution and my hard work.....
That's the last thing I can hold on to keep going this deadly journey. Amen
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